On another note...

So this post doesn’t have anything to do with Peace Corps, it is just me downloading about the crazy spiritual jumble in my head today.  I frankly only have one or two people in my life that I can talk to about spiritual-type things… I can, but I feel like I don’t really have anyone who actually relates to what I’m saying/thinking most of the time. And most of the time I just keep it to myself to spare the weird looks. I’ve talked about this slightly in previous posts, but 2012 (I hate that the movie industry has succeeded in making this number sound cheesy just in itself) is drawing near, and while many people have many different theories about what we’re in for, if anything.  I believe that we are going to be shoved to the next plane of consciousness.  I feel that some(many) of us are already well on our way, or at least understand what is coming at its minimum, as I have been impatiently waiting for the shove for quite some time.  The longer we go before it happens, the more our planet is destroyed and the more social destruction takes place at the hands of the few that are in control of the money and resources.    My patience for people who have no concept of anything outside of their own egos and who can’t manage to display one shred of compassion for anything but their own gratification and ‘happiness’ has grown incredibly thin if not completely disappeared.  My verbal filter when in the presence of these types of folk has also grown thinner with time.  I don’t know if it’s those of us that ‘get it’ that are going to move forward, or if everyone is going to be forced to move forward together.  I would like to think that it is going to be the point where we leave those selfish ones behind, but who knows.  I would also like to think that the fanatical religious zealots may finally understand that Jesus was not our ‘savior’ in the manner that is preached and ‘spread’ hypocritically around the world and a reason to discriminate and hate, but communication (probably the most important communication) from God with a message that not everyone was meant to fully understand until this age.  Hence the continued misinterpretation of the Bible… It sounds to me as though Jesus was communicating a message trying to explain what we are fully capable of once we understand what it means to be conscious.  In essence, telling us how to be our own ‘saviors’.  As we were all created in the ‘image of God’, are we not all destined to mentally evolve into beings that are all capable of the ‘miracles’ performed by Jesus while he was on Earth? Hindu guru Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj states, “Get hold of the main thing: That the world and the self are one and perfect.  Only your attitude is faulty and needs readjustment.”  I’m definitely looking forward to seeing what is going to happen, but at the same time I’m slightly nervous.  Will the relationships we have now no longer exist? Will we all evolve into bodies that serve the new purpose, such as those of the alien life-forms we all have seen ‘pictures’ of or something else? The whole concept is something that I think about on a daily basis, and being over here in Macedonia where very few folk speak English gives me much more time to think rather than speak, which makes it that much more pronounced in my mind. 

I suppose I’ll be super-nerdy and also mention the crop circles. The mainstream media dismissed it long ago, particularly after some bored attention-seeking farmers decided to claim half-assed responsibility, so the only place you can find valid information and research is in scientific peer-reviewed journals, but those communications carry a ton of information as to what kind of mental progress we have made, and what may be coming as well, not to mention the proof that we’re being monitored in a non-threatening but encouraging way.  The control of the media is a frustrating situation, it is actually nice to not be exposed to and accosted by it over here. The arrogance of people and the idea that we’re the only life in the entire universe just blows my mind.  And then the fact that those most arrogant have control of our governments, media and essentially our well-being compounds the frustration.  I have been contemplating what direction I want to go with my work when I return to the states, what kind of organization I want to work for, whether I want to get another Masters or not, etc.  I feel a definite pull in the environmental awareness direction, as well as the art/writing direction, and also the peace studies direction…but clearly I have yet to figure that out.  Maybe after 2012 none of these fields will be necessary.  I’m sure the next couple of years will help me hone that.  The work of John Perkins, Daniel Pinchbeck, and Jane Goodall have been my go-to’s lately.  Maybe by some serendipitous miracle I can work with or for one of these incredible humans upon my return.

Regarding Peace Corps, PST continues.  I love my family, my group and Kratovo! I don’t so much love having 4 hours of language everyday… my brain turns off after about 3. Also, I pride myself on being a good communicator, and having a very solid grip on English grammar, pronunciation, usage and spelling.  So being in a situation in which I can barely communicate at the level of a 4-year old is magnificently frustrating.  We’ve also been told to be thinking about what kind of placement we want to be in for the next couple of years so they can do their best to match our likes/skills to the needs of the Macedonian organizations.  I know scenic beauty is very important to me, one of the lake communities would be amazing, though I know that is many a volunteer’s fantasy… and I would really love to work with an organization whose mission is environmentally based, and one where some kind of art program would fit somewhere for my side project… and I also need to be somewhere where I can get wheat bread, wheat flour, brown rice, brown pasta, etc. for my little insulin resistance sitchy.  Having art and good food in my life are important to me, as well as being in an organization whose mission is true to my heart.  We’ll see what happens of course!

Peace and love,

EM :)

Kratovo!

Its been awhile! I have moved to Kratovo for Pre-Service Training (PST… get used to the acronyms, Peace Corps loves them lots), and I’m living with my host family, which is near the top of a mountain (literally) so the internet service is very… intermittent to say the least.  I am posting to you now from an outdoor bar/café in the town square.  Here is an update for the last few days, which actually feels like weeks already. 

Last Friday we found out our PST communities, and I was very very excited to find out I was going to Kratovo.  Everyone has said it is the most beautiful place out of all the training communities…lots of cobblestone, towers, bridges, mountains, etc. After lunch and language class, we met all or part of our host families. My host mom’s name is Alexandra, her husband is Zoron, her son Valentino is 13, and her daughter Mila (pronounced Mee-la) is 8.  Alexandra came alone to pick me up, and she speaks a good amount of English, which has made my transition much easier!  We still have done a lot of pantomiming, relating and comparing, as well as handing the translation dictionary back and forth.  I still say da (yes), fala (thank you), and smile a lot. After we all met our host families at the hotel, a Macedonian band and troupe played music and danced the Ohro in traditional dress.  Afterward, everyone joined and learned the dance as well, it was hilarious and fun.  We in the Kratovo group traveled together on a combi, or large van/bus type vehicle.  The closer we got to town, the greener and more beautiful it became.  We dropped a couple people off at the beginning of town.  It got more crowded in the streets as we drove, and then we drove by the most enormously wonderful outdoor farmer’s market I’ve ever seen… fruit and vegetables for what seemed like a mile.  I started squealing with joy and Alexandra laughed at me and told me we would go shopping there soon.  J.O.Y.  When we got off the combi, we were on a cobblestone hill/street in town.  A little car pulled up and two men climbed out and talked to Alexandra and then grabbed my enormous suitcases and shoved them in the car and sped off up the (steep a**) hill of cobblestone.  I trusted that they were going to the right place. 

This town is exactly what I fantasized about back in June when I was told I was going to Macedonia.  I couldn’t wait to take pictures.  Then we started walking up the cobblestone hill/street towards home.  We kept climbing, and then turning, and then the street turned into rocks embedded in a hill, and we kept climbing (no cars possible at this point).  Homes and gates lined both sides. We went by a beautiful church and she asked me if jac cakam (I like?) to go to church, and I said ney.  They only go on holidays apparently, and I said I would like to join for the sight and experience.  Still climbing.  When we finally got to our gate, I knew I would have no problem getting the exercise I was concerned about getting in the next three months.  Booty/calves/thighs o’ steel here I come.  When we got up the steps, Zoron’s father had just finished packing my giant bags up to the door.  How could I have said fala enough… I would have keeled over from that insane chore.  The generosity is real, and it has begun!  Hopefully I will find an opportunity to return the favor while I’m here.  Alexandra showed me around, and the view is mother-effing EPIC from both sides of the house.  Straight up green foresty mountainous joy right in my face out my window, and the whole town sprawling up another hill from the side deck. Squeal! MMMMM pictures here:  http://picasaweb.google.com/enger.emily/MacedoniaKratovo1# 

We started talking about what I like to eat, and I told her about my insulin resistance, so we marched back down the hill of madness to go shopping for wheat bread.  Lots of stopping and chatting on the way there and back, and already ran into most of the other peeps in my group. Small town joy :) Once we got back home, we realized we forgot to register me at the police station, so Zoron took my passport down to the station for me so we didn’t have to walk up the hill a third time in an hour.  More chatter, and then dobra nok (goodnight)… long day for all of us :)

The next day we walked around the town with our LCFs (language and cultural facilitators) to see where each volunteer’s house is. I win for the most hardcore hike, as well as best view.  I am now called billy goat.  After tour, I went with Alexandra to her mom’s house, where they were on the patio cleaning peppers.  I’ve been smelling and seeing peppers since I got here and have wanted to eat them so bad… and my dreams came true.  They have two large outdoor fire-ovens and roast the peppers with enormous wooden flat spoons for hours (this is after roasting them once, cleaning them and removing the seeds, and then grinding them up… quite the process) to make Ayvar to can for winter.  Delicious, yes.  As we walk through the neighborhoods, I discover that nearly everyone is making Ayvar. Seriously. Its Ayvar day.  Mila’s favorite thing to do is bring me food that she has picked off some bush or tree to eat. I love her. Apples, tomatoes, berries, nuts, cucumbers, sunflower seeds…I think I’m in produce heaven.  That night we went to a small bar in town where one of the previous year’s volunteers was playing music and I met some of the other previous volunteers as well. 

Sunday was a chill day, we walked to Zoron’s parents’ house (they have dogs! Hooray for doggies!) and was greeted with cheek kisses, nuts from the tree, and homemade juice from their fruit.  All the food I’ve had since getting to Kratovo is wonderful, Alexandra is a fabulous cook, and everything is so fresh and delicious (including their pig that they slaughtered that day… hooray for clean and tasty meat!) I also unpacked a bit of what I’ll probably be using in the next three months, and have made it a goal to come home with less than what I came here with. I’m hoping I can pull it off. 

Yesterday, language classes started.  4 hours a day, 5 days a week and then other training sessions most afternoons.  It is frustrating being a 4.0 anal student and feeling like a struggling kindergartner in class.  This s*it is rough. Some of it comes easy, some of it doesn’t.  There were definitely moments I wanted to run out of there screaming.  But I’m not a pu**y (should I be using all these words with asterisks? I don't know, but sometimes I feel that certain words are needed to communicate my point), so forge ahead I say.  Regarding my hill, I’m figuring out very quickly which of my shoes I can and cannot wear for the next three months.  Also, it is all of a sudden getting very chilly compared to the last week of sweaty madness.  I’m feeling strangely excited for winter here, which is a definite change from my usual outlook on the weather.  A., I don’t have to drive.  B., I packed much more winter stuff than summer stuff, so I’m definitely prepared.  C., I don’t know, it just smells good and I’m tired of sweating I guess. And D., I don’t have to DRIVE (this includes the winter sh*tshow that comes with driving, a.k.a. defrosting, shoveling, waiting, freezing hands, etc., a.k.a. pain in my high level of impatience-for-purposeless-time-wasting-type-sh*t ass) Now I only have to worry about where I’m going to find a grappling hook and spikes for the bottom of my boots to get to and from home.

Don’t know how often I’ll be able to post and check email, and I’m sorry that I can’t do many individual emails right now, etc., but whenever I can grab some time at the bar with the wireless and my computer is fully charged I will try!  There are no plug-ins in the outside bar.  All in all, life is goooooooooooooood :)

Love and gratitude,

Em

Muslim appreciation day

We went into Kumanovo today to visit a church built hundreds of years ago, a museum, and a mosque.  The frescos were amazing, though we weren’t allowed to take pictures (I wanted to soooo bad, it was so incredibly beautiful in there).  The museum was interesting, and I was excited that I could actually read some of the inscriptions. But the mosque…  oh the mosque.  What a beautiful building. See pictures here:  http://picasaweb.google.com/enger.emily/Macedonia915#

After we came out of the mosque, the call to prayer began.  This was the moment that I truly felt like I was in a foreign country, a foreign culture, and having a foreign life experience.   I can’t describe the chills that flowed from my feet to my forehead hearing the song and chant of prayer rolling through the air from the mosque as we stood in the street.  So much so, that the others around me verbalized their chills as well. Traffic rolling by, women in scarves walking their children, and 40-some white Americans crowded in the middle of it.  The prayer echoed through the air until we were far enough away to only hear the traffic and people around us.   

On tomorrow’s note, we find out which town we are going to be placed in for training and meet our host families, and go home with them in the evening.  I’m very excited as well as nervous for this.  I’ve heard nothing but good and amazing stories about the host families and how loving, giving and kind they are, and how much they love having us in our homes.  I’m also super excited for home cookin’ and being able to be immersed in the language.  I’ve eaten more potatoes in the last week than I have in the past year, and I think my insides are lubed up with enough sunflower oil to host the next Olympic luge event out my ass.   

Did yoga for the first time in a couple of weeks on a sliding towel on the hardwood floors and definitely was sore the day after… and today.  Also looking forward to getting to homestay so I have time to get some regular physical activity. 

Very tired today, couldn’t get to sleep until about 2am… ta for now :)

Much love,

Em

Still hungry.

Things from home I crave already: spicy mustard, romaine lettuce (cabbage is for more prominent here), Luna bars (I said this already I know), tuna melts, wheat sourdough.  There will be more later I’m sure, as I’m only on day 3. It feels like weeks already, so much has been crammed into our brains.  Today was another language lesson (greetings and introductions), the multi-ethnic community informational session, the safety and security intro, and some other random stuff.  Regarding the multi-ethnic situation, I came to Macedonia excited about the idea of learning two languages.  After more info and hearing about the experiences of others, I have decided that just sticking with the Macedonian only will be better for me.  I feel like I will be more comfortable focusing on one language and getting a better grip on it than getting a not-as-strong grip on two separate languages, and I feel like I would be able to be more successful in my work position being able to communicate better.  Plus its hard enough learning one new language man.

Back on the food note, I have decided that I am going to ease off a bit on my vegetarianism for the next three months while I’m living with my host family.  This is a very heavy meat consuming country, and added vegetarian to my dietary needs along with the insulin resistance (no white bread, pasta, rice, sugar), well… I could possibly starve to death.  Once I’m in my own place and can shop and cook for myself I will have more control and will be able to eat more in tune with my needs and desires again.  Regardless, everything I’ve eaten here so far has been delicious, and I’m excited to get a bigger variety and learn how to cook local dishes once I’m living with my host family (I move in with them this weekend!)

Apologies for no pictures yet, I haven’t had much opportunity to take any yet.  The terrain and weather here is very similar to Montana, which is great because that means I’m not in for any surprises with the weather.  We were warned about occasional natural disasters however… flooding and earthquakes…rare but in our safety handbook for sure.  Also in our safety handbook is the emergency procedure for civil unrest and evacuation of the country.  This is new for all of us of course, and an interesting and surreal concept to have to think about. 

Anyway, I’m starving as usual… off to din :)

Much love,

Em

EmaЛи џo Ингp

Ok. I’m going to be honest here. It is day two and I’m scared shitless. We had our first language lesson today, and they taught us the Cyrillic alphabet in two hours it was insane and I was sweating like a little piggy. But I think I’m doing ok with it.  We walked the 30 min. into the city and I could actually read most of the signs on the way, so I was very hopeful.  We also went to a store, went to an outdoor bar and ordered wine (they serve their red wine chilled here and it is very good) and then took a cab back. The cab driver was very excited to have us and to gain approval on his English pronunciation. This also alleviated some of my anxieties about transportation. 

Something on my wish list for care packages = Luna bars, particularly of the Vanilla Almond and Berry Almond variety.  The more I am with our group, the more I love them. Our staff and trainers and the Volunteer Support Group (Meredith, Amanda and Maggie I heart you!) are amazing and incredibly helpful as well. Went to exchange money today, and it was very interesting exchanging under $100 into thousands of Denars. Still super jet lagged and exhausted, and would LOVE a super deep tissue massage please (babe this means you).  The title of this post is my name in Cyrillic. If you’re interested in knowing how to write anything in Cyrillic, send it to me and I’ll translate it for you, its good practice for me :)

I have my medical interview tomorrow to take care of any vaccinations that I may not have yet, as well as more language, ethnic diversity class and the safety overview. I’m hoping they will pass out mace or something similar. 

They say this is “the toughest job you’ll ever love”, and I know we’re only on day two, but I completely understand already where this statement sprouts from.  I’m enjoying and appreciating every moment so far, but I’m very eager for the day that I get comfortable with the language and being alone and feeling safe in my community.  Can’t wait for visitors too!

I know these blogs sound very robotic at this point, but well… I feel like a robot at this point. It will get better I promise :)

Much love,

Em

Arrival in Macedonia!

So after 4 days in DC, 2 days in Philly, and one whole day on a plane, we have arrived in Kumanovo, Macedonia. We were greeted with giant smiles and open arms, as well as a crew of volunteers and a giant open-ended semi truck to put our endless luggage in... not to mention a sharp feeling of surrealism. At the hotel we were greeted by even more volunteers with giant smiles waving and smiling and eager to help us get our 293847 pounds of luggage up the stairs to our hotel rooms. We were then given a giant buffet lunch of various treats… cheese pie, zucchini, eggplant, soya, chili (which is actually a salsa-like concoction with a deliciously spicy kick), local grapes with seeds, cucumber and tomato salads, and chilled red wine in tall glasses. Jet lag is kicking all of our asses, and after that lunch I’m having much trouble keeping my eyes open… dinner is only 4 hours after lunch today. After that its shower/Ambien/bed time!
The super-packed training agenda begins tomorrow and will continue all week with language, medical, and culture training as well as a trip to the US Embassy and a couple other field trips. On Friday we check out of the hotel and head home with our host families, and will have unknown levels of communication. Throughout lunch, I was told about the joys and amazingness of Macedonian produce. The fruit! The vegetables! The gardens! Oh yes.
My Mak15 team is fabulous, and comes from all over the US. There is a nice sense of camaraderie and support already, which is very comforting. Off to nap until dinner for now, but more soon!
Much love,
Em

Hungry.

Holy EFFFFFFFF I fly to DC on Monday, drive to Philly on the 9th for staging, and depart for Macedonia on the 11th. It has been an amazing year since applying to the Peace Corps. Saying goodbye to my family and friends this past couple of weeks was hard, but I know it’s a ‘see you later’ more than a ‘goodbye’. My friends and family threw me a magnificent going away party, and so many people that I haven’t seen in years came, even some all the way from Seattle just for one night, and one beautiful boy even came all the way from Arizona to surprise me for the weekend :) It was amazing, and I couldn’t be luckier.
I continue to organize, pack and get all my metaphorical ducks in a row. Meanwhile, my immune system decided to take a little shit on me from the mental strain of it all and forgetting to take my vitamins for a week, not to mention the limited healthy food options of a small MT town. The walls of my room are bare, there is no longer an easel and various paintbrushes everywhere, my closet is nearly empty, and I have been to REI even more than usual in the last two months.
There were times during graduate school when I swore that I had broken my brain. I’m feeling somewhat similar today. I should have a million things to say at this point, but I’m blanking. I’m going to miss the season finale of True Blood. This makes me sad. I’m listening to Kaskade, which reminds me of DJ friends in Seattle and the deliciously groovy yet ridiculously overpriced lounges that they played in. It is colder than I would like for September 1st, and makes me appreciate my Smartwool purchases for the winter in Macedonia. I’m hungry. Weird. Want more Panang curry. Right meow! The bulldog just got a shower and now she’s getting blow-dried. I’m definitely going to miss having a dog in the house… hopefully a clean and healthy stray magically adopts me over there. But back to that hunger. Going on a chow hunt.
Later,
EM